A big part of my 9-5 life involves working with bloggers on behalf of big brands that want to piggyback on their popularity. For example, if a blogger with a large following writes about a particular product one day, you’ll see a definite spike in sales the next.

Anyway, the most objectionable bloggers I deal with are of the mummy variety. I edit their prosaic copy, pay their extortionate fees and remain flabbergasted that people so generic make a good living writing such landfill. Then, out of the blue last year, my wife got a bun in the oven and I found myself trawling these very same blogs for advice on parenting. Who’s laughing now?

Obviously, I felt like I couldn’t really relate to any of it. These people are too nice, too perfect and seem instinctively to know how to raise children – I’m none of these things and less. Therefore, I thought it only fair to offer an alternative; both as a man and as a bit of a twat.

So, I’m not sure how useful my musings on life are going to be to any parents out there, but if not practical, perhaps they might give you an idea of what NOT to do…