My wife and I are inexperienced enough parents to think that we can still party until the early hours (it was Eurovision this month) and be in a fit state to be at the beck and call of a 7-month-old dictator the next morning. Of course, there’s always BabyTV, with its colourful slow-moving shapes and xylophone-based soundtrack – it’s as soothing for baby as it is for your banging head. However, Martha soon loses interest in cartoons and let me tell you, too much Stick with Mick will make you want to gouge your eyes out with a spoon.

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Stick with Mick and you’ll go insane

So, when Martha received a bouncer as a present from her grandparents, we were eternally grateful. A weird-looking contraption, you just hook the clamp to the doorframe, strap your baby in using the padded seat and Velcro straps, and then lay back on the sofa for some much needed respite from the very notion of childcare.

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The Lindam – doesn’t double up as a sex swing

Check out the joy in the footage above for example. Martha doesn’t respond well to sneezing and will usually end up crying after one of my particularly violent fits of sternutation. However, this time she pauses, but instead of starting to cry, she’s completely placated, safe on the knowledge that she can still bounce up and down and pirouette away to her heart’s content (there’s a particularly nice one at 17 seconds in).

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Look at the sheer joy

Thank you Lord for the Lindam Baby Door Bouncer. Now, time for a bloody Mary…